The power of appreciation
How the appreciation can impact your relations
Every time we talk with others, we focus our attention on the issue we are discussing, our thoughts and what we think is the solution of the situation.
And it’s really natural to be in this mood. After all if we are talking is to find a solution, an agreement or to solve a conflict.
This natural and we can say istinctive behavior give us the illusion to be really focused on solving a specific situation, avoiding distractions and misunderstanding, because we give all our attention to the question. The more we do this, the more we should have success in the conversation, we think…
If this behavior is so natural, why during a “solution focus” conversation our first focus should be on the discovery of the greatness inside others? Why should we focus on something that is apparently so far from our goal? Couldn’t it distract our focus from the real important part of a conversation?
If we pay too much attention to searching greatness in others, wouldn’t this take us far from our goal?
The answer is as counterintuitive as easy: searching the greatness in others is the only way that gives us the real possibility to see the others point if view, without filtering it with our glasses.
Furthermore, the more we focus on the others greatness, the easier will be the way to find a solution in every situation.
My last experience with the discovering of greatness
I directly experienced this situation in the last days, when I met a person during a demo session about his way of coaching, with a volunteer coachee.
During this session I started to pay attention on the differences between his way of coach and mine and of course my mind started to focus on what was “better” and “worse”.
I was really convinced that I was listening him, that I was very attentive to any detail, gesture and nuance in his voice and process, but proceeding along this way I suddenly felt the distance between me and him raising… it really disappointed me and I started to imagine how to focus in the best way I could on the moment.
So I drove my attention on noticing his efforts, his strengths and the skills he was using, although they were used in a very unfamiliar way to me. So I started to be curious also to discover others abilities that he was in some way showing me and it finally worked.
At the and of the session, before I gave my (requested) feedback on his performance, i gave him feedback starting from this details. Doing this, during the following discussion, we found a very interesting way to compare mine and his approach to coaching, agreeing that they were different and that we both would have gain many good insights if we have compared them in an assertive way.
How can we do this?
In our life we’ve heard many suggestions about the so called “active listening”: make questions, reformulate or “show” others your attention with the help of the non-verbal communication, but i’m really convinced that the right way to discover the others greatness is the “intention”.
In order to really discover the others greatness, you have to “want” to discover it in the words and in the behaviors of the other; it also means that you need to be “convinced” that there is greatness and that you have only to find it, just searching it.
If you “want” to discover it, you’’ll find also the way to notice it and you’ll make it notice to other too. It will open up new ways of talking and new solutions to your dialogues.
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